So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
