I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
