are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I supernannyed him into submission
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
