There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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