if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
