Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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