Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
