I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
