I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
