tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
