Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
