I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
