I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
