the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
