they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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