and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize