white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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