Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
