some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Still dying that you shit outside
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
