if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
