Quick, to the slutcave!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
