We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
