I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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