my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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