WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
