I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
