Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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