dude i'm inner monologue high
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize