Non-Jews are for practice
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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