I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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