I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
