come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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