I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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