Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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