you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
