Umm I'm too high to move.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
