Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
