This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
