Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize