you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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