First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
