mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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