At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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