bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
