Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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