I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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