When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
