it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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