1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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