so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
