i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
