Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
