And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
