Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize