we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
