Barsexuality is the new black.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
