im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
