i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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