I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
