Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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