Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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