your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
