Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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