he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
