Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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