who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
