Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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