So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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