ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
