Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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