No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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