Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
