My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
cat food counts as protein by the way
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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