dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
