I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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