the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
