So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
