I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
