Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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