Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
