I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
