atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So much rum. So many feels.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
