in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
