I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
