he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
