dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
