He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
