I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
