if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
