who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
