Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
