I wish I could teleport
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
