Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
