he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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