I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
