If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
