My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
