How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
