Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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