This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
