If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's a naked man in my car right now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
