The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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