at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I smell like Dick and happiness
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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