So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
