so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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