I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
