My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
