we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
