I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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