My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
