This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
