If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
