We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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