it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
