dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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