the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
