I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
