We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
