those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
