Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize