nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
